Friday, 20 September 2013
Back to my blogging beginning - Samuel
When I first started blogging it was a very personal, very raw blog about Samuel and his disability. The blog "Samuel's World" was only really read by family and other parents of children with 22q11 deletion syndrome.
I know that the other parents found my blog posts comforting, in terms of reading that they were not alone in their struggles with their child. I think my family found my posts harder to read. Back then we were all still trying to come to terms with Samuel's disability.
Whilst we were homeless I tried to avoid blogging too much about Samuel. He found our situation incredibly difficult and his behaviour during that time was greatly impacted by our living conditions. Some may think that because Samuel was able to escape the B&B most weekends and spend time with his dad meant he was least affected, but actually being away from the room regularly probably made it even harder when it was time to return.
We've been in our house for over a month now. I'd like to be able to tell you that Samuel is starting to settle, and in many ways he has, but his behaviour is becoming more and more challenging.
Some time ago I blogged about that the fact that Samuel now also has a diagnosis of ADHD, and it is that behaviour that is the greatest challenge. His anger and aggression now scares me; he swears at me; he holds his fists to my face; he lashes out; punches objects; kicks at walls and doors. The other day he ruined a playstation game by scratching the disk repeatedly on the kitchen floor. He is also loud, hypo and buzzing at times.
Samuel takes medication twice a day, but I really don't feel that it is working, or if it is, it worries me what he would be like if he stopped taking it.
I now can't trust him with Oliver and Isabella. He has hurt them a few times, once pushing Oliver into the TV stand which left Oliver with a bleeding lip. He pushes them and grabs them if he is annoyed.
It's horrible being scared of my own son, because I love him to much. I want to be firm with boundaries set for him and stick to any consequences that are given for unacceptable behaviour, but every time I do stay firm either I get hurt, or he damages something.
Reading this back I sound like a weak mum don't I? But it's really not like that when he kicks off.
A few of you will understand.